to wait..

How often do we miss out on your voice God
because we don't wait
we don't take the time to listen
How often has this been me? How often have I just rambled on and on and forgotten to just still and wait, TRUSTING that you are sovereign and holding it all together

Oh the irony God
Is that I want so desperately to be patient
and to be still and wise
BUT i want that now

Time is wearing on me
whittling me down to the raw essence of who I am

Impatience is easy, I can get what I want, when I want it, and how I want it
It so easy to fall into my selfishness of wanting things now
Of wanting understanding now
Of wanting heart change now

God I know you have been here with me through each decision
Through each tough choice made
through each battle that rages in my mind
You know me
I love your still quiet voice
The comfort of your spirit after a long day
Thank you for the grace that you have given me to endure
Thank you for being so merciful

I am comforted in knowing that all my desires are tiny compared to your love God
As CS Lewis wrote - You find my desires not too burdensome, but too weak.
How freeing it is to know
that through the winds and gales of life
From the financial crises
To leading
From relationships to family
From the depths of my questions to the openness of a smile
these are all held in your hands
and you are in control over them all
All my raging desires are but a breeze wafting through your fingers.

God I submit to you
You are God, and I am not
would you just help me understand,
however and whenever that looks like
What it means to love in the long run
What it means to be a servant
What it means to be patient
I don't want to hear
I want to live it
Thank you for life, thank you that you are teaching me even as I type these words
Thank you for the cross, from which Jesus died for our sin and disconnect with God
Purchasing a way to freedom and truth through you Jesus
So that I can trust and know a loving Father
Who knows what I need
And when I need to hear and know it
And when I need to fight it out
and when I need to just sit

and be still